Falling~

A friend wrote it!
He was too shy to let people read how awesome he writes! 
:)

And here I am, drenched in  the classic 'failed romance' feeling. When I look at it, I know that it is. But its not the first time its happened. Not to me, not to anyone else. So if I tell someone how it really feels, all they get is this mundane image in their heads with a guy falling in love with a pretty girl in a very strange way. And it never looks so hard to get over when you're the one who just has to listen. But when its your footstep off of the doorstep, there are not many places you can walk off to. They can never feel the vibration on your chest from your heart breaking a million times inside. They can never see the struggle you make to keep it inside when the tears collect in your eyes. When the tears do fall on their own, all they do is ask you - because its a human instinct and nice to -  is, " What's wrong?" and when you answer, " Everything.", they do not realize how genuine that very 'everything' is. So I'm keeping shut. I can't make anyone understand and so I won't. Why? Because they can't. To be honest, I'm not sad because of the knowledge of the possibility of me never standing behind her, holding her and looking out the bedroom window watching the sun rise. I'm sad because when I wake up one day with someone next to be, it won't be her. After I'm done pushing that one last gulp of drink that will make the world go around me, I remember. That very 'someone' is going to be the best thing that will ever happen to me. So much so, that I won't need her; I won't remember her. So I'm not here waiting for the failed romance to magically transform into my story of the girl I loved. I'm waiting for the memory of her to disappear. After you step off of the doorstep, there aren't many places to go to. But you can always keep walking. You never run out of roads to walk on.

All words reserved: Sajjan Raj Vaidya!

:)

Imagination.

Don't waste the sun on a rainy day
The wind will soon blow it all away

~Jet, Shine on

Just put a rainbow in your life! 

:)

Hmm?

Here I am in Basantapur, in my favorite café. Sitting on a low bamboo stool, waiting for my small cup of cappuccino  and I came here to decide about my life. It sounds/ looks/ feels stupid! 


Why do I keep on forgetting why I came here? I wanted some internet service but – Nepal is a country with plenty of water resources but no one has learnt to utilize it yet- so back to where I was, I didn’t get my internet connection because of load shedding and here I am writing this as my next blog post!

Well, I am listening to hallelujah at the moment. That is such a beautiful song! And I have such a bad life! Sheesh! Why do I keep on saying that? I am just 19 for god’s sake! And I can see some guys checking me out. Not so ugly- I am working, that might seem like a good thing to other people. It is, I earn for myself- well not technically but I do get the money I need to get me things!


Why go i keep on thinking about stupid things?

My cappuccino is here! Now I am thinking again, what is life all about? 

I got internet access! YES! :)

Now that cheered my mood! 

anywho!

I rant about how i want to be alone and push off everybody from my life because i am waiting- wishing- wanting for some alien thing!

Again ranting here!

i dont know what i am writing here but i assume this is just a phase!

a phase that i want to pass so desperately.

please pass away.

so i will just go roam around this fun filled place! :)

chao!

I was on my rollerblades
Rolling on moving on

Because i love taking pictures.

Confessions of a Facebook- holic.

If you are one of those people who just skim the first few lines and flip the page, hang on to this one. I assure you are going to like this write- up!

June 2008, that was the month the mysterious webpage, the facebook took over my life. After being an incessant user of Hi5, getting adapted to Facebook was quite of a hassle. However, it was not that late that I actually started eating, drinking and breathing facebook. Adding album after albums of pictures, writing on people’s walls and the best part of it; stalking other people- it was all so good! It’s not that I am a stalker but everyone enjoys poking one’s nose into other’s lives once in a while!

For a person who needed to be on facebook 24/7 having a sibling with whom you had to share the computer was a curse. Fights after fights took place. Load shedding made matter worse as my sister and I had an argument as to who would get to use the computer first once the lights were back. Again there would be arguments on to make each other friend on facebook or not. And if we were friends, swearing on each other not to spill any beans about facebook activities to our mother.

Going deeper to that thought, I made a new facebook exclusively for the family members. I named it after my pet name at home and added all my family members, uploaded the same pictures in both the facebook-s and had time for BOTH of them every day. You might think I am crazy. But trust me, it was fun. Many people who are reading this might not have family on facebook and you are probably blocking them or having them on your wait list. I don’t have to do that! I stalk them and get to know what they are doing everyday!

So getting back to my facebook craze- Just as much as I loved stalking, I loved uploading pictures of everything- friend’s birthday, gathering at house, prank played on a friend, another prank played on the same friend, crocodile’s tail and what not. I remember one of my closest friends telling me that I am a mad woman because I had 53 photo albums. I repeat 53 Photo albums on facebook. Of what? Well, as I told you earlier, of everything! Again, under this topic, I had numerous fights with my sister as to who would upload what pictures!

I am a self-proclaimed patient of ADD (Attention Deflect Disorder) which means, I can’t do without constant attention. That made me very conscious about my profile picture. Changing it often, trying to make it just more than perfect. Sulking if I didn’t get more hits. Similar thing happened with my facebook status-es. Writing something different just to get attention from people! I know by now, you think I am a crazy person, but this is actually true and as I look back to it now, it makes me shudder and laugh at loud at the same time.

There was a time when I got GPRS service on my father’s phone and surfed facebook throughout the night. If there was nothing to do, I would just keep on refreshing the page minute after minute expecting a new newsfeed to keep me busy for a while. I facebook-ed even during my classes, hiding mobile phone under the school desks in fear of the teacher catching me red handed. Well, it was not long that my father asked me to get the GPRS service on my mobile itself which was depressing. Why? Because my balance dropped down as soon as I recharged it!

Time passed by and the friend requests and the pokes came in like anything. Yes, with time, I matured. I started working. And the office rules got me out of this horrendous addiction. Even though I cursed the rules at first, now I am thankful to it! I no more spend all my money on recharge cards and time on facebook. I still stalk people but I have stopped refreshing page after page just to get fresh newsfeed I still have 147 friend requests pending and 73 poked waiting to be poked back. But instead of poking some total stranger, I now spend my quality time teasing my grandfather on marrying me off which is just so much entertaining and fun than facebook!

because its a HOLI-day!

its been a while that i took an initiative to update my blog! :)
tied up with lots of work!

hmm! Saturday today! Holi!
why i am here updating my blog? because i love my readers! (pfft!)
i had planned on going out but, my groupies went out of town so im here sulking! :S
other of my friends called me over but im waiting! still waiting for i dont know what! :P
anywho!

i love holi!
i love the colors!
water!
laughter
anger ( once a friend plays a prank on you)
fun
bhaang!

but, as we compare past holi-s with today, seems like it has changed! there were times when my sister and i played on the rooftop, hit everyone on the road with lolas!
now, if we hit anyone with lolas, they will prolly send us to the jail!
well there is a different story behind the one who enjoys aiming lolas at others and the ones who get hit!

however,
so yeah!
happy holi folks!
its 11: 31. yes, there was a rumor that an earthquake would hit kathmandu! it didnt! :)
so enjoy people!

love,
nivida!

Im Nineteen! (SIGH!)

December 13, 2010

8:03 PM

Dear Journal, I have something to tell you today which has been bothering me for quite some time. Today is December 13, 2010 and if you love me, you know what I am going to tell you about since you know so much about me. Anyhow, if you are wondering what news has the “Drama Queen” come up with, here it goes.

 I feel like I am an alien at times who has come down from Mars in a huge spaceship and is E.T.’s sister, but the sad part here is, my birth certificate says that I was born on 14^th December, 5:14AM. My mommy says I was difficult during birth and was the naughtiest child from my family. Biting, scratching and beating up the cousins who loved me and came over to ‘play’ with me. Poor cousins.  With every passing birthday, I grew wilder, naughtier and what not! Birthdays always fascinated me. Not other people’s birthdays but MY birthdays. I adored being the center of attention in my birthday cap with a knife on my hand cutting the cake with smiling faces surrounding me. Not to forget my second favorite part of birthdays- cake came first any day- presents! I never had any clue what I wanted but anything made me happy.  No matter how old I was, going to school on birthdays always made me happy. Wearing my prettiest dress to school and distributing sweets to friends, getting patted by teachers and the whole school singing birthday song for you in the morning assembly.

It’s 9:51 PM and I am panicking! Oh god!

Years passed by and I entered my teens. Yes, you have zero idea on how reckless and restless I was. However, I had stopped abusing my cousins and started loving them. 13, the magical number hit me and I thought I was socially and mentally an adult. Fighting back with my parents, trying on makeup, gossiping, bitching about friends and every rowdy teenager would do. Now, since I am a self- proclaimed alien, I lived on a lie all my life. My mother told me I was born on the 12^th of December and I celebrated my birthday on the 12^th till I was 16. Almost half of my friends wish me on the 12^th and make jokes about my birth disorder. SIGH!

Another funny thing, I celebrated my 14^th birthday in B&B Hospital-Another bizarre thing happening in a drama queen’s life. I had my appendix removed and was admitted in the hospital where I cut a sweet pudding cake and apple juice with my sister and my parents. I will always cherish memories from that birthday. Forever.

10:30 PM- 1 and half an hour to go!

I was an overgrown baby with pent up energy. I still am. Oh yes, who would know me better than you?  I had abnormal hormones. I loved every boy who looked cute, fell in love more than a dozen times and read books on finding my soul mate.  I feel so stupid writing this now! Haha! But Bahaha I will just laugh it out. Like I did all my life-laugh at something-anything- everything. One thing I remember clearly is the day I got my periods. I know this is a taboo subject to talk about but hey, that happens to every teenager doesn’t it (apart from the male species)? So, when I was married to the Sun God, after the periods, I was told that I was a responsible and had turned into an adult, a woman overnight. That was silly because how can I just turn into a woman overnight when I am still the same 5 foot 2 inches tall? Women are the ones who walk on the runway of the FTV not a child like me. Yes, Child. It was the word I was looking for! I was a child! I ran along with my brothers, dug my nose at times and farted out loud in front of people.  Beep Beep. I just got a text from my boss at work. She said she couldn’t stay up till 12 so she is wishing me early. Sweet! Oh crap! Does that mean I am 19 already?  No, OLDER? My last year of being a teenager?  

11:24- OHH MYY GODD!!

Will I die soon now? I don’t want to be 19! Being 18 was like jumping off a cliff with a parachute. Turning 19 in half an hour feels like the end of the life! Will I never be able to fart in front of others? Not that I -am very fond of it! But wait up, NINETEEN? Will mature instincts kick in when I can still am a small girl, a child? Am I entering the adulthood without a single high school sweetheart like the movies?  But on the second thought, why is there an ice cream called 21 Love? That obviously means I will find the love of my life when I am 21. Doesn’t it?  Since it’s time, should I bid goodbye to my teenhood and say hello (a sulky one) to my adulthood? Should I have arranged a party for myself? Am I being a drama queen Ms. Journal?

You would never imagine what just happened! It’s 12:03 already! I am NINETEEN! Nothing happened! I thought there would be a poof! And I would turn from 19 to 90 year old! I still look the same. My phone is ringing but I will just finish writing this. In the crappiest of my handwriting:  No way I am growing older, I am the same me and my mother would probably fall of the kitchen counter- LAUGHING of course - if I told her that I have become responsible once I am an adult. I don’t even like the word. ADULLLLLT.  However, I didn’t change into a sweetheart when I turned 13 nor will I turn into a woman once I am 19. It is a process and I have molded into myself I am by now. The main thing, I am not sad that I will change my habits, NO WAY! I will remain like this evermore and fart in front of my grandchildren (Note again, I am not fond of farting but just an example you see). As for the looks, I will use the anti ageing creams and do something and remain sweet 16 forever. But for now, adios journal! Will tell you how my surprise birthday treats I am expecting form a few people went. Bye! Thank you for being there!

Xoxo

Nivida, the 19 year old poised lady!