What's in a dream?

The sunlight streaming through the window made soft warm circles on my face and I yawned lazily and turned to see Ayush snoring peacefully to himself. As I was thinking just how lucky I was to have him, I heard Skanda and Rakshya fighting over breakfast in the kitchen and grunted. I dragged myself out of the bed lazily and squinted at my reflection in the mirror. After swirling my hair around my hand deftly and winding it into a smooth knot, I headed towards the kitchen. A cursory glance at the family photo on the antique table-stand (a wedding gift from my mom) stirred a deep-seated question, “Is this the kind of life I always wanted?” I never really had a solid answer to that, often feeling guilty as I look at my wonderful husband and two wonderful kids. But where am I?

As I make pancakes for breakfast I just can’t keep my mind off the Things I wanted to do as a child, and a young girl. My two adolescent kids break into an argument and I can’t help but feel a tinge of jealousy. As a little girl I often saw myself wearing stilettos and walking down the ramp. Well, I do wear stilettos, the ones my daughter owns and she just can’t stand me wearing them. I have had to suffocate the little pleasures of life and find fruition in fulfilling my daughter’s wishes. My life today is just limited to household chores, laundry, TV soaps and occasional dinner with my husband. I suddenly realized that with every passing day I was growing older. I thought of my first crush from school. I never had the guts to tell him about my feelings. How different my life would be if I were married to him? Sinful thoughts! I find solace thinking of him as pot bellied, and aged and unattractive. My mother was cool, but not cool enough to let me have my navel pierced. As a teen, I remember doing the pretty typical rolling of my eyes at half of the things my mother said to me. I try to be cool in the mother’s role. Hope that is how my kids see me because I have never caught them rolling their eyes at what I have to say. I let my daughter go bungee last month which was again one of my childhood dreams. Listening to her thrilling experience made me feel a part of it. I always wanted to work for a media house. My parents coaxed me into taking up science and I had to snuff out that dream as well.

It is almost evening and I am browsing through the p album from my younger days. I spot a picture of me, in my teens, dressed in my mother’s saree, tika, chura and bright red lipstick. It was then that I remembered the most important dream I had, being a good wife and a good mother. Just then my son opens the door. He races to me and holds me in a bear hug and plants a kiss on my cheek. He rushes on about his day at school and friends. He doesn’t forget to complement me on the fried rice I packed him for lunch. I realize how lucky I was to be where I was at this point of my life. My inner self tells me that the greatest joys in life lie not only in realizing your own dreams but nurturing the future to realize theirs. I was living my dream and don’t think I can ever live any other dream as wholly as this.